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My Top Five Christmas Pop Songs

It’s nearly time for those Christmas songs to be hitting the airwaves, or for the supermarkets to pipe them into the shop when you’re desperately searching for that packet of bread sauce. Christmas songs are their own breed, some stick around for years and years, some are hits just for that year and then fade away not be heard of again.

There are some Christmas songs which I groan when I hear them, or when I ask, “Alexa, play some Christmas songs,” and these end up on her playlist. Personally, the song that I don’t like hearing at Christmas is Do They Know It’s Christmas, controversial I know, but I think it’s because when it was released that’s all I heard and now I’m a bit fed up with it.

Anyway, so now you know my least favourite Christmas track, here’s a list of my top five.

Number Five: Stop the Cavalry – Jona Lewie

This record peaked in the British charts at number three in December, 1980, it was kept from number one by two re-issued John Lennon songs, who had been murdered on 8 December. Jona Lewie states that this was never meant to be a Christmas song, it was in fact a protest song, but the line, “Wish I was at home for Christmas,” and the brass band accompaniment made it sound like a song to be played around Christmas time.

Why do I like this song?

I love the tempo of this song and can’t resist joining in with the Dub-a-dub-a-dum-dums whenever I hear this song.

Number Four: Step Into Christmas – Elton John

Written by Elton John and Bernie Taupin, it was released as a stand-alone single with the aptly titled B side: Ho Ho Ho (Who’d Be A Turkey At Christmas?). It was the ninth most played Christmas song of the noughties in the UK and its highest chart position was number 8 in 2019 and 2020. The video had a cameo appearance of Taupin, and showed Elton John holding a Watford F.C. supporter’s card, he later went on to own the club.

Why do I like this song?

It’s a lively song and one which I can’t help singing along to.

Number Three: I Wish It Could Be Christmas Everyday – Wizzard
AND
Merry Xmas Everybody – Slade

I Wish It Could Be Christmas Everyday was released in 1973 and was beaten to the number one spot by, yes, you’ve guessed it, Merry Christmas Everybody. Both records have entered the charts almost every year since their release and have each been covered by numerous artists including Robbie Williams, Oasis, Spice Girls, Kylie Minogue and Girls Aloud. There was no promotional video for Merry Xmas Everyone, with Slade preferring to promote the song on Christmas television programmes.

Why do I like these songs?

Who could not like these songs? I grew up listening to these songs during the festive period and what Christmas party isn’t complete without a drunken dance to these classics?

Number Two: All I Want For Christmas Is You – Mariah Carey

The best selling Christmas song by a female artist, reportedly earning $60 million in royalties. It was number one in most countries, although it didn’t reach the top of the charts in the UK until 2020. The song also featured on the British film Love Actually. The clip below is from the film sung by Olivia Olson.

Why Do I Like This Song?

This is the song that when you sing it, you realise that you can’t sing, but you still give it a good go. It doesn’t lose its freshness and vibrancy.

Number One: Last Christmas – Wham!

Last Christmas was released in December, 1984 and was prevented from reaching number one by Band Aid’s, Do They Know It’s Christmas! Which ironically brings me back to the song I like least to hear at Christmas! This song spent five weeks at number two, but eventually reached number one in 2021, making it the longest journey to number one since Tony Christie’s (Is This The Way To) Amarillo.

Why do I like this song?

George’s vocals, the great video, it’s Christmas all wrapped up. When I hear this song, I am totally filled with Christmas spirit!

Honourable mentions:

Yes, I know I said it was one of my least favourite Christmas songs, but it was the fastest selling single in UK history and it did raise a lot of money for famine relief, so here it is, Do They Know It’s Christmas by Band Aid.

Christmas Preparations

When the firework has let off its last bang and whizz,
It's time to stock up on some wine and Bucks Fizz,
It's getting close to that special time of year,
To raise a glass of cider or perhaps a beer,
And celebrate with lots of good cheer. 

It's time to go shopping and buy all of the toys,
For all of the girls and all of the boys,
A cardigan for grandma, and granddad some socks,
For grandchildren cars and horses that rock,
All wrapped up in a special Christmas box.

Then there's shopping for our Christmas dinner,
Fingers crossed, this one's a winner,
Some hate parsnips, some don't like sprouts,
I can't see what the fuss is about,
It'll all get eaten, I have no doubt.

We have to decide, give the tree some thought,
Do we buy real, or something shop bought?
To get the decorations I have to reach in,
They're in the loft and kept in a bin,
Oh my Lord, I could do with a gin!

We go to the theatre to see a pantomime,
I'm sure we will all have a really good time,
We boo at the baddie and cheer the good guys,
The Prince is the hero and slaps his thighs,
After the final song, it's time for goodbyes.

It's Christmas day and time for our dinner,
I can confirm, this one IS a winner,
Sitting around the table is my family,
Laughing and joking, it's such a joy to see,
It's all been worth it, there's nowhere I'd rather be. 

Bournemouth Christmas Tree Wonderland

Price:

Free

Amount of time spent there:

We were there for about an hour and a half.

Suggested Christmas Tree Trail

My Review:

We try and do something each year to celebrate the holiday season. For a few years we went to the London Palladium to watch the pantomime and then walk around London to see the Christmas lights, another year we went to Longleat Festival of Lights, but due to Covid, obviously last year we didn’t do anything. So this year, we decided to go to Bournemouth, which is about a 45 minute drive from us and we took our daughter, son-in-law and two grandchildren to the Christmas Tree Wonderland.

We arrived at Bournemouth at about 6:15 PM, after inexplicably getting lost, even though we’ve driven to Bournemouth numerous times! The first stop was to get some fish and chips and where better to go than Harry Ramsden’s. We had a lovely meal there, the batter really is very light and tasty!

So then it was time to wander through the Christmas Tree Wonderland…

There were an array of different lighted up Christmas trees, with a few other displays as well including a reindeer, polar bear and, of course, the main man himself, Father Christmas.

We walked around the park, it was lovely to see Harry’s face as he saw each Christmas tree, he’s nearly three, so just beginning to understand what happens this time of year. He loved the bright lights and excitedly ran from one display to the next.

At the end of the park, we came across an ice rink and we stopped to watch the would-be Torvill and Deans, skating around a fairly huge ice rink. There was the usual people hanging onto the sides, gingerly making their way around the rink, and I have to say, that would be me, skating is definitely not my thing!

View of the ice rink

You need to pre-book the ice rink, there are sessions of an hour each, from 10:30 AM until 20:30 PM throughout the day and prices are:

ADULT -£12.50 CHILD – £10.50 SENIOR CITIZEN – £11.50 and FAMILY – £41.00

A quick look around the stands in the city centre, which were mainly food outlets and we headed back into the park to walk along the back path where there were even more displays to see.

Gingerbread men, one of Harry’s favourite biscuits!

One last stop at the Carousel, it cost £3 per person, but it seemed to go round forever. Harry chose his horse and held on tight!

Gee up Neddy or Coleen!

We were very impressed with Bournemouth’s light display, it must have cost the council a lot of money to stage this and for it all to be free as well is wonderful.

Unusual Christmas Presents

It is the season to be jolly,
Time to spend cash and lots of lolly,
Here's a few gifts big and small,
For the person who has it all. 

Toilet Seat Scale

The toilet seat scale that tells you how much weight is lost after you take a dump!!   Not available in the shops yet but I’m sure it will be before Christmas.

toilet-seat-scale

Gentleman’s Ball Scratcher

This is from MenKind and costs £13. Described as for the man who has everything, in the shape of a delicate female hand for those hard to reach places. Useful information is that it is dishwasher safe and has a stain resistant surface….

ball-scratcher

USB Toast Hand-Warmers

Available to buy from Keeto– cost approximately £14.    Keep your hands toasty and warm at your desk with a pair of hand warmers. Especially handy for when you are typing outside??

usb-toast-hand-warmers

7 foot long Gummy Snake

The Party Python weighs nearly 27 pounds, over 36,000 calories and is very, very long. It’s available in two flavour combinations: red cherry – blue raspberry and raspberry – green apple and it is gluten free!   You can order this from VAT 19 online shop and costs around £140.

gift-huge-candy

Chocolate Brussel Sprouts

Everyone will eat these Brussel sprouts – they cost £2.99 from Amazon – reminds me of that joke …. What’s the difference between a Brussels sprout and a bogey? Children will eat a bogey. Thank you!!

chocolate-brussel-sprouts
I hope this may have helped a bit,
To find that someone their special gift,
Now you can relax and unwind,
And have a lovely Christmas time. 

The Walking Dead: S1 Ep1 – Days Gone Bye

Rick in his hospital bed.
Rick Grimes  arises from his hospital bed,
The flowers brought to him by Shane, are dead. 
He walks out of the room, there's blood on the floor,
"Don't Open, Dead Inside," is sprayed on a door.
There's fingers clawing between a slight crack,
What's going on? What's that? Rick's taken aback.
He stumbles out into the daylight and sees,
The bodies of people, do they have a disease?

He gets on a bike and rides back to his home,
But it's empty, his wife and his son have flown. 
He meets up with Morgan, who tells him all,
About the demise of the world and its fall.
Morgan
They go to the police station to find some guns,
Their strategy for killing zombies has just begun,
He hands Morgan a radio, to keep in touch,
Rick wants to find his wife and son he loves so much.

Rick is going to Atlanta, he's driving of course,
He runs out of petrol, so rides a tame horse.
On reaching Atlanta there's a lot of undead,
The horse spooks, Rick falls, he has to use his head.
Iconic scene from The Walking Dead
As the walkers devour the horse of its flesh and its bones,
Rick spies a tank, he can hear the walkers and their moans,
They're getting closer and Rick holds the gun to his head,
Maybe in this world, he'd be better off dead.

He suddenly spies a hatch underneath the tank,
And makes his way quickly, he has the Lord to thank.
He climbs in the tank, an undead soldier is inside,
Rick shoots him,  there was nowhere to hide. 

As Rick decides what on earth he should do,
A voice crackles through the radio, a young dude,
"Hey you, dumbass. Yeah, you in the tank, you cosy in there?"
It's the voice of salvation, something quite rare. 

Zombies on a Ship

Priti was excited as she looked around the departure lounge. She smiled as she saw the excited faces of families and couples, all checking and then double checking their passports and documentation.  Priti looked at her husband, her husband of 24 hours, this time yesterday they were standing in the church exchanging their wedding vows, with their families watching.

Arin hadn’t wanted to go on a cruise for their honeymoon, he wanted to go to The Maldives, in an all -inclusive hotel with the rooms nestling in the ocean’s water. But Priti had convinced him to stray further into the ocean and so they had booked this cruise, sailing from Southampton to the Mediterranean.

They boarded the ship and Arin had to admit he was impressed with the elegance of the atrium and before heading down to their stateroom, they decided to buy a cocktail. After a quick look at the drink’s menu, Priti decided on a Zombie: white and dark rum with lime juice, pineapple juice and a splash of grenadine, garnished with cherries and mint. Arin chose a Pina Colada, also with rum, coconut cream and pineapple juice.

“Wow, this is the life,” said Priti as she sipped her cocktail, “I can feel the stress of the wedding leaving me with every sip of my cocktail.”  Arin agreed, his cocktail was hitting the spot and he unbuttoned his jacket.

“What’s going on over there?” Priti asked Arin, “It looks like that lady has had too much to drink already.”  They looked over at the woman, who was doubled over and being sick, a waiter was helping her, leading her towards the ladies restroom and a cleaner appeared from nowhere and proceeded to clean up the vomit on the floor.

“Some people just can’t handle their drink,” mused Priti and as the smell of the vomit was quite strong, they decided to go down to their stateroom and get unpacked.

Their stateroom was on deck 10 and had a balcony, Priti walked out to see the view, not much to look at, just the docks, but it was full of activity, people seemed to be rushing around, she couldn’t make out what was happening as they were up quite high, but she did see that the walkways had been taken up, so she assumed they would be sailing soon.

“Shall we get ready for dinner? We’ve a reservation for six o’clock, and it’s already five,” she said to Arin, “Yeah, good idea,” he agreed.

An hour later, they were walking towards the restaurant, Priti had her new dress on, she was hungry and she was looking forward to her meal.  “I think I’ll have a steak tonight,” she thought and asked Arin what he was going to have? “A steak I think,” he said and Priti laughed, they were very well matched.

When they arrived at the restaurant, it was deserted, just a couple of waiters were hovering, waiting for the guests to arrive. “Table for two,” requested Arin and they were led to a table. “Where is everybody, I thought it would be busier than this,” Arin asked the waiter, whose badge said his name was Enrique, “There seems to be a bug going round the ship, a lot of passengers and crew have been feeling sick,” Enrique replied as he handed them the menus.

They were both pleased to see that steak was on the menu and so that’s what they ordered with a bottle of Malbec red wine to go with it. The wine was poured by Enrique and as they drank it while waiting for their steak, they noticed their waiter was doubled up in pain, he was groaning and clutching his stomach. Priti went over to him, his face was contorted and he was foaming at the mouth.  “I think you’d better go to your cabin,” she said concerned for him, “You must have caught what everybody else has got.” He made a noise, a sort of groan and walked towards the exit of the restaurant.

Priti looked around, there was nobody else to serve them, so she went to the kitchen to see if their steak was in there ready for collection. As she walked through the swing door to the kitchen, there were a couple of chefs leaning over somebody who had seemingly fainted. “I think this bug is worse than people are saying to us,” she thought and went over to see if she could help in any way.

When she approached the chefs, they turned to look at her, Priti couldn’t believe what she was seeing, they weren’t helping the person laying on the ground, THEY WERE EATING HER!

She screamed, they were covered in blood and the poor woman was motionless on the ground, her intestines strewn around her and her heart was on show, pumping blood onto the floor. Priti was paralysed, they were moving closer to her, making blood chilling noises from their throats, gurgling and reaching out to grab Priti.

She stepped back and ran back towards the swing doors, but Enrique was there in the way, she knew that he wasn’t there to serve the steak to her, he was moaning and lurched at her, she jumped out of the way and managed to go through the swing door without him reaching her. She ran over to Arin, he was still sat at the table drinking his wine, “Hadn’t he heard what was going on in the kitchen?” she asked herself, “Arin,” she shrieked, “We have to leave, I’m not sure what’s going on, but people are eating other people in there!” She was sure that would cause some sort of reaction, but no, nothing.

She walked up to him and he turned round startled, he had put his earplugs in and was listening to music, oblivious to anything happening around him. Priti heard the sound of the swing doors and saw the two chefs and the waiter entering the restaurant, their hands were outstretched, and they were heading directly towards them. She pulled out Arin’s earplugs, “Ow,” he complained, “That hurt, what did you do that for?”

Priti gestured behind her and Arin looked behind her, he saw the chefs and Enrique approaching them, only the day before he had promised to look after her till death do us part and looking at these…. zombies approaching, he hoped that wasn’t sooner rather than later.

Arin took her hand and they ran towards the exit. The atrium which only hours earlier was an excited hub of expectation of a wonderful holiday, was now filled with screams of pain, horrible groaning and glass smashing. A barman was smashing bottles of drinks over a zombie’s head, which had no effect until the barman seized a shard of glass and stabbed it in the zombie’s skull.

Arin wished that he had watched The Walking Dead, he could have picked up some tips on how to survive an apocalypse. As they ran along the atrium, a zombie guest dressed in an Hawaiian shirt made a grab for his legs, he was a portly man who was now hungry for his human buffet, but Priti was determined Arin wasn’t gonna be his first course. She aimed a kick at his stomach, which floored him and whilst he was writhing on the floor, she grabbed a steak knife that was on the floor and plunged it into his skull. Arin looked in amazement at his new wife, he didn’t know she was capable of these types of moves. Priti looked at him and winked, “I’ve seen The Walking Dead,” she told him.

Their cabin was three floors below the restaurant, they both knew their best chance of survival was to get there as quickly as possible. They reached the lifts and pressed the button, most of the lifts were on floor 14, but one was making its way down. They stood outside and willed the lift to go quicker, a few zombies had seen them standing there and were making their way towards them, the lift number hung tantalizingly at the floor above them.

Arin looked around for a weapon, Priti had removed the steak knife from Hawaiian zombie’s head and was brandishing it like an apocalypse warrior, all he could find was an abandoned walking stick with a duck head sculpted at the top. He joined Priti alongside her, waiting in anticipation for the advancing zombies.  

The ding of the lift sounded like a chime from heaven, the lift door opened and out shot a couple of zombie cleaners, this took Arin by surprise and he was attacked from behind. He managed to flip the zombie over his shoulder and strike him several times with the walking stick, in the meantime, Priti was in the lift and fervently pressing the lift button for their floor after having quickly disposed of the second zombie cleaner.

Arin stepped into the lift and the doors shut with a satisfying clunk. The silence was deafening and they both looked at each other in disbelief, what exactly had just happened? They assumed their positions as the lift doors opened and were pleasantly surprised when they weren’t met by any zombies.

They turned into the narrow corridor which led to their cabin, to be confronted by a zombie housekeeper, she wasn’t very tall but she was snapping and snarling at them.  “I’ll deal with this,” Arin told Priti, “Stay back,” and he rushed at the zombie, picked her up and dumped her in the housekeeping trolley along with the towels and dressing gowns. Her arms and legs flailed as she tried to get out, but to no avail. As they rushed past, Priti took a handful of toiletries, you never know when they’re gonna come in handy.

They entered their cabin and quickly shut the door, “What on earth is going on?” Priti said, not really expecting an answer from Arin, “What are we gonna do? We’re trapped on this cruise ship.” She caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror, her dress was torn and it was covered in blood, she looked at Arin, his shirt was covered in blood and his jacket was ripped at the seams, he had never looked sexier!

She changed into her leisure suit and Arin put on some jeans and a t-shirt, this was much better zombie fighting gear. Priti opened the sliding doors onto the balcony and stepped out, she took a look over and could see passengers running along the deck screaming, being chased by zombie crew members and passengers, it was like a scene out of The Living Dead. The ship was still sailing though, heading out towards the ocean, breaking through the waves without a care in the world.

Then they heard the communication system fire up, it was a little crackly, but a voice resounded through their cabin, “This is your Captain speaking, as you are probably aware we are experiencing a few problems on board today, so we have made the decision to abandon ship. We are going to load up the lifeboats on deck 7 in 20 minutes, so those who are living can you please try and make your way to them. Godspeed and be safe.”

So, they had to make it down to deck 7 in 20 minutes, could they manage that? Well, it was their only chance, they had no choice, they had to do it.

“I think we should go down the stairs,” suggested Arin, “We can’t afford the time to wait for the lifts, they might not even be working now.” Priti agreed, it was only three decks to the lifeboats, surely they could do this. A quick drink from the mini bar, well, they don’t have to pay for it now and they were ready for the fight of their lives.

Arin opened the cabin door and peered outside, he could see that the housekeeping zombie was still in the trolley with her legs flailing up in the air, but apart from her, all was quiet. He turned round and quietly signalled to Priti that all was clear. She nodded and they both left the sanctity of their cabin.

The corridors were long and narrow, not ideal if you meet a crowd of zombies stumbling in the opposite direction, so they made their way quickly to the opening where the lifts and stairs were and immediately heard a commotion on the floor below. Priti stooped down and tried to see what was going on, there were zombies, of course, but she could also make out another couple who were fighting the zombies and were fighting a losing battle.

“We have to help them,” she said to Arin, “They need our help.” Arin wasn’t too keen, why should they risk their lives to help people they don’t even know? Priti could see him hesitating, “If we were in that position, we would be very grateful is someone helped us out.” Arin had to agree, so on the count of three, they raced down the stairs and started attacking the zombies.

They were outnumbered two to one, but between them they eventually put down all the zombies, it looked like a bloodbath, all the zombies were strewn over each other. The woman looked at Priti, “Thanks so much for that, I’m Kate and this is Paul.” They greeted each other and decided to go to the lifeboats as a group and proceeded to descend the staircase, quietly and stealthily.

The next floor down looked quiet, they couldn’t see any zombies, but then they heard the ping of the lift, the lift doors opened and a lift full of zombies stumbled out. The survivors carried on down the staircase, zombies can’t do stairs, right? The zombies all turned towards them and as they reached the stairs, they started to fall down them, falling all around, one of them landing on Paul. Kate screamed, “Get them off him, quickly,” and Arin sprang over and dragged the zombie of of him, finishing the zombie off with a blow to the head.

“Thanks dude,” said Paul, “No problem,” replied Arin, “Let’s get going, we’ve only got one more floor to go.”

They arrived at deck 7 and looked for the door to go out onto the deck. “There it is,” Kate shouted, but between them and this door was what seemed like hundreds of zombies. “How on earth are we gonna get past them?” asked Priti, looking around for an alternative route. They all stood there, contemplating their next course of action when Arin suddenly had an idea…

“We could distract them somehow, make them move towards the other side of the ship, so we could then get to the doors,” he suggested, “How about getting some bottles of alcohol from the bar, put a rag in it, then set it alight and throw it over there,” said Priti. “Yes, that’s a great idea, come on, we can get to the bar over there,” Kate replied.

They made their way behind the bar and began plugging the bottles with serviettes. “Where can we get matches from?” whispered Paul, “There’s an office there, have a look in the drawers,” Arin said, “I’ll keep a watch out for you.”

They watched as Paul made his way to the office, one zombie had strayed over in that direction, but Paul took care of him and proceeded to search the drawers.  He stood up smiling with a box of matches in his hand, the others heaved a big sigh of relief and beckoned him to come back to them as quickly as possible.

They lit up some of the serviettes and starting throwing the bottles over in the opposite direction of the lifeboats, the explosions they made was enough to wake the dead, only they were dead! The zombies immediately stopping milling around and started shuffling towards the explosions.

“Come on, now’s our chance,” Arin shouted and they ran out towards the deck and towards the salvation of the lifeboats.

They saw the Captain and some of the crew, who were standing next to the lifeboat and fending off zombies, the group helped despatch the zombies, but by now, the ones they had distracted were walking through the door which they had left open to the deck, “Come on, it’s time to go,” the Captain told them, and they all agreed it was time.

They jumped into the lifeboat and a member of the crew pressed the button for the lifeboat to automatically lower. They all sank into the seats, not quite knowing how they had survived, “I’m sorry to have to do this,” the Captain said, “But I need to check you all for bites.”

Paul was reluctant to comply, which immediately made the Captain suspicious. “Come on, I need to see,” he insisted, but Paul just sat in the lifeboat staring into space. “Paul, have you been bitten?” asked Kate, “Please tell me the truth.” “No, no, I haven’t,” he replied, “But I know that you have been.”

Kate took a sharp intake of breath and looked around at the others, it was true, she had been bitten whilst she was fighting a zombie. She pulled up her shirt, there were teeth marks on her stomach and the wound was pulsating. “I’m sorry,” she apologised, “But I love Paul and I wanted to be with him.”

“You need to get off the lifeboat,” the Captain told her and signalled for the crew member to stop the lifeboat lowering, “Yes, I understand,” she replied, “Goodbye Paul, I will love you forever.” “Yeah, whatever,” Paul said without any emotion and Kate alighted from the lifeboat which was next to deck five by now. She was immediately engulfed by zombies, but she didn’t utter a sound.

“I’m so sorry, Paul,” Priti said, “How long had you been married?”  “Married?” questioned Paul, “We’re not married, I’d only just met her a couple of hours ago at the bar, I hardly knew her.”

Priti, Arin, Paul and the Captain and his crew members were the only survivors of the ship and as the lifeboat floated on the sea, the ship carried on towards the open ocean, probably only stopping either if it runs out of fuel or runs aground.

“Right, where are we going?” asked the Captain, “Straight on or are we turning back?” “Straight on,” they all said as one, “Maybe this virus is only here, maybe the rest of the world is okay?” said Priti hopefully.

And maybe it’s not…

Sleepless

The clock on Alexa is showing it’s nearly time,
To go up to bed and get some shut eye,
So why am I dreading this time of the day,
When all I have to do is get into bed and say,
“Goodnight,” to my husband, “Hope you sleep well,
Is your phone on charge and please do not snore.”
I lay on my side, heave a sigh and turn off the light,
Something tells me it’s gonna be a very long night!

I’m closing my eyes, shutting out the lights of the cars,
Which are driving up and down outside in the dark,
But there’s another light in the bedroom, followed by a beep,
It’s hubby’s phone, it’s not on silent, oh god, I’m trying to sleep!

I lay in bed, still on my side, is it me or is it warm in here?
I throw off the covers to let my legs cool down,
That’s not enough, so I lay on top of the quilt, bottom stuck out,
And then I remember that ghosts could be about,
They can’t move the covers, but they could prod me,
In places where I don’t want to be prodded,
So, under the covers go my legs and my arms,
Just to make sure I don’t come to any harm.

Right, I’m comfortable now, I’ll just close my eyes
And drift into a world of nothingness,
Oh no, what’s that noise I can hear? A warthog and his mates?
No, it’s hubby snoring, he’s laying on his back, oh great.
I tenderly request that hubby moves onto his side,
No response from him, so it’s time to push him
With all my might, I manage to roll him from his back,
I do it quite often, I have now got the knack.  

At last all is peaceful in the bedroom and I’m drifting off
Into the land of nod,
But suddenly I wake with a start, oh no, this is typical me,
Now, of course, I need a wee!
A visit to the bathroom is about normal for this woman,
Who is menopausal and getting older by the minute,
I sit on the toilet in the dark, I haven’t put on the light,
I’m keeping my eyes shut very tight.
Perhaps if I don’t open them at all during my trip,
I can slip back into bed and fall back asleep.
But of course, my plan goes awry,
Sometimes I could bury my face in the pillow and cry.

Right, now close your eyes and let your mind go blank,
Is what I tell myself every night,
But what is it about the wee small hours of the night,
That makes your brain go into overdrive, was what I did last week right?
I think about what I have to do tomorrow, what I did today
And when can I go food shopping and finish my ironing,
I then hear the alarm call of Alexa beeping,
I shout at her, “Forget it, Alexa, I’m sleeping.”

Written by Karen Williams

Chili with Cheese and Nachos

Another recipe from the Hairy Biker’s One Pot Wonders, we have actually made this dish a few times for friends and family and it’s never failed to impress.

This is their thoughts on this dish:

"We can't tell you how good this is - you just have to taste it. Yes, there are quite a few ingredients but a lot of them are spices and the prep is easy, just a bit of chopping. The nachos topping is amazing and you end up with different textures - crunchy on top and softer at the bottom, with the juicy, spicy chili underneath. Naughty but definitely nice!"

Ingredients

2 tsp olive oil
1 large onion, finely chopped
2 celery sticks, diced
I red pepper, diced
400g minced beef
200g minced pork
4 garlic cloves, finely chopped
1 tbsp dried oregano
1 tbsp ground cumin
1 tsp chili powder
1 tsp ground cinnamon
1 tsp ground coriander
1 tbsp light brown soft sugar
400g can of tomatoes
2 x 400g cans of red kidney beans, drained and rinsed
400ml beef stock or water
50g dark chocolate
Salt and freshly ground black pepper

For the topping: 200g tortilla chips and 200g Cheddar cheese, grated

To serve: soured cream and fresh coriander leaves.

How did I get on?

Out came the trusty Le Creuset casserole dish, which is ideal for these type of recipes. First step was to heat the oil in the dish, add the onion, celery and red pepper and cook over a low heat until the onion has softened and turned translucent. Then, add both minces, beef and pork and break up with a spoon until it’s completely browned then reduce the heat. Then it’s time to add all the spices, the tomatoes, kidney beans and stock. Bring to the boil and turn down the heat, leave the chili to simmer for an hour, stirring regularly.

After an hour of simmering on the cooker, the dark chocolate is added and while it is cooking for another 15 minutes, preheat the oven to 200C/Fan 180C/Gas 6.

Arrange the tortilla chips over the chili and top with the cheese and put in the oven for at least 10 minutes until the cheese has melted and started to brown. Serve immediately with soured cream, coriander leaves and lime wedges.

Finished dish!

Thoughts

Another easy dish to make – there are a lot of ingredients, but a lot are spices so you probably already have them in your cupboard. One thing to bear in mind is that the dish has to simmer on the stove for an hour, so it’s best to factor that in when cooking this dish, you don’t want your diners waiting around for their meal.

With the added components, sour cream, guacamole, salsa and a bottle of Sol, it all adds up to a great Mexican meal.

Guacamole Recipe

Ingredients:
1 small red onion
1 medium very ripe tomato
1 red chili, deseeded
1 large handful fresh coriander
1 lime
4 medium ripe avocados
Olive oil

Method:
STEP 1
In a food processor, pulse the onion, tomato, chili and most of the coriander until finely chopped, then transfer to a bowl.

STEP 2
Add the juice of the lime to the mix.

STEP 3
Cut the avocados in half, remove the stone and scoop out the flesh with a spoon.

STEP 4
Squash the avocado to a pulp, so that it is creamy, but leave a few chunks for some texture. Mix this with the pulped ingredients. Serve with a drizzle of olive oil and some more coriander.

Just a note: Le Creuset has brought out a Harry Potter edition of their brand complete with a Hogwarts Express kettle, Deathly Hallows spoon rest and even a Spellcasting spatula set!

Saturday, 11th September, 2021

The morning of the cruise passed quicker than I thought it would – after packing and grabbing a quick lunch in the Royal Victoria Country Park, where we could see Iona docked, it was time to book our Uber.

The Uber arrived promptly at 3.12 PM and as the Southampton Boat Show was happening, plus Southampton FC were playing West Ham, we thought the traffic might be bad, the Uber driver even said, “I’m not sure why I picked up this fare, I wanted to avoid Southampton today,” but her worries were unfounded as we breezed into Southampton, taking only about 15 minutes.

On arrival at Ocean Terminal, we immediately saw where to leave our suitcases and we were directed towards the COVID testing area. We must have queued for about 10 minutes and after having our COVID certificates checked and boarding pass looked at, we were having our tests done. The test itself was very easy, just up the nostrils, the lady administering mine said I was very relaxed!

Onto filling in another Health Questionnaire and then sitting in the departure lounge waiting for our results. Typically, hubby’s came in first and then I had a nervous wait for about three minutes waiting for my result. It seemed to take forever and it wasn’t helped by hubby saying to me, “If your result is positive then I’ll go on board and wave to you as we pass our village. You can go back to work on Monday.! But thankfully, it came through and we were on our way to the booking in desk which took about five minutes and then it was onto security. Pre-COVID security was always the most nerve-wracking, but now it was a breeze.

And then it was the moment we had been waiting over 18 months for…. we were on a cruise ship!

After being scanned in at our muster station which was The Glass House, we made our way to our cabin on the 14th deck and a standard balcony.

These were the flowers from our Ultimate Celebration Package that we purchased before we boarded. We decided to buy this package as it was our 36th Wedding Anniversary on the Tuesday of the cruise.

Overall, we were impressed with the cabin, on our arrival there were flowers, chocolates, a bottle of champagne, slippers and a dressing gown each waiting for us. There should have been a couple of commemorative champagne glasses but these weren’t there, but after a chat with the room steward that was remedied. The cabin could sleep four people via sofa bed and a Pullman bed, but I think it would have been a bit of a squeeze especially if it was four adults. The storage was a bit limited, but it was fine for hubby and me.

My next task and I say task as that is what it felt like, was the dreaded My Holiday app. At first I loaded it onto my iPad, but it was very slow and as soon as I loaded it onto my iPhone it sped up considerably. I managed to book Sonia in the Limelight Club for Friday night, mainly because we were watching shows on the rest of the evenings and Coral Restaurant for Celebration Night and Aqua Restaurant for Wednesday night.

So it was time to explore the ship, but first stop was the Laguna Bar to activate the Ultimate Drinking Package, what I mean by activate is put a sticker on our cruise card!

A quick look outside and we ended up at the Sunset Bar where we had our first cocktail, a Pina Colada. From there, we decided to visit Brodies, the English-styled pub, it was very quiet, but I suppose people were having their dinner by now. A Cider for me and a Guiness (or two) for hubby, although at first he was disappointed they didn’t have it on draught, but he said that the canned Guiness was very good.

We headed back to the cabin to get ready for our evening meal (we hadn’t booked anything yet) and as we sat on the balcony overlooking Southampton Docks we met our cabin neighbour, Paul. After a little chat we decided that we would like to eat at the Cow and Keel tonight, so we joined the virtual queue of six people and by the time we had gone down the six or so flights of steps to reach the Cow and Keel, our My Holiday app told us that the table was ready. You had to pay a supplement for these meals.

On reading reviews on Facebook about this restaurant, I had sung the praises of it to my hubby, he is a chef and so enjoys good food and boy were we not disappointed!

Hubby had a salmon starter, which he said was the best he’d had in a long while and he was totally gobsmacked with the Prime Minister Burger. I had the duck lollipops (pictured) which was totally delicious and pork belly for my mains, again delicious. This was all washed down with a couple of glasses of Beefsteak Malbec each. I’m not a huge fish fan, so you’ll find out that hubby will choose fish more often than not when we’re away.

We didn’t have any room for dessert, which is unheard of for hubby as he loves his desserts, so we agreed to come back another time and try them, all for the sake of research of course!

A walk around the Promenade Deck where we saw the infamous conservatory cabins. They didn’t look too bad to us, but it was at night and the deck wasn’t busy. We ended up at the Sunset Bar and decided to go into the Club House where the band, Pulse, were about to play a session of pop songs.

They played some great songs, but it felt strange not being able to dance but there was plenty of arm waving and chair dancing. The set only lasted about 35 minutes, which didn’t seem very long and I enjoyed a Pina Colada and hubby had a beer.

From there it was up to the Crows Nest, which did take a bit of finding, but we managed it eventually. There was a piano player and I had my usual night cap of a Baileys and hubby had a Jamesons. One thing I don’t understand with the Unlimited Drinks Package is that you cannot order a double Baileys, which would still be under the £6.95 cap, I mean, it would save the waiter’s an extra trip to the bar!

A walk back to the cabin at around 12:15 AM, a very good start to our cruise!