Tag Archives: Featured

Simple Christmas Cake

To easily make your Christmas cake, you can do no worse than buying a cake kit, I found one in Marks and Spencer for £13, all you had to add was butter, eggs and an orange.

After adding up the cost of the ingredients, it worked out cheaper to buy the cake kit.

I made the cake a month ago, and fed it once with some whisky and today was the day that I was going to decorate it with a simple design of a few snowmen. I have done a step-by-step guide for an easy Christmas cake to wow your friends and family!

I used the marzipan from the Marks and Spencer kit, but to keep to the theme of simplicity I used Dr Oetker Regal-Ice Ready Rolled Icing to cover the cake.

The next thing to do was to make the snowmen: these consist of a head, body, arms and legs and that’s it.

To make the eyes, just use a cocktail stick to wiggle a circle, then using black sugarpaste make small balls and after dabbing some water in the holes to make them stick, place the balls as eyes. For the nose, make a cylinder and place it on the face with a dab of water, the smile is created with a cocktail stick. You can have some fun making scarves, bowties, buttons, top hats, anything that takes your fancy!

Finished cake!!

You can add little snowballs, I used a snowflake cutter and holly leaf cutter and the cake sprinklings from the cake kit to decorate and finished with a light dusting of icing sugar for snow.

So there you have it, a simple Christmas cake which is fun, colourful and most importantly…. easy!

THE WALKING DEAD: S1 EP 3 – TELL IT TO THE FROGS

Merle Dixon is still handcuffed and is shouting in fear, 
He screams to God to help him,  the walkers are near.
They hear him screaming and bang on the locked door,
Merle gains his composure, he's not asking God anymore. 
Merle handcuffed on roof of store
He sees a handsaw knocked down in their rush to leave,
He reaches over to grab it, he can get it he believes.
The group arrive at the camp and Rick sees everyone:
Shane, his partner,  Lori, his wife  and Carl, his son. 

Rick tells Lori that he knew she and Carl were not dead, 
"The family albums had been taken from our home," he said. 
Rick meets Daryl, and tells him about Merle's plight, 
It's his brother they left there, Daryl  is angry and wants to fight. 
Rick agrees to go to Atlanta with Daryl and look everywhere,
And also Glenn and T-Dog, who feels guilty he left Merle there.
While they're gone, Lori speaks to Shane about their affair,
She tells him to stay away from her, he says it's not fair. 

The woman in the group are in the quarry getting things clean,
When Carol's husband, Ed, shouts at her, Andrea intervenes. 
Ed slaps Carol and Shane who is angry, beats up Ed,
Shane says if he sees him abuse anyone again, he's dead.  
Back in Atlanta, the four men arrive at the store,
They make they way up to the rooftop once more.
Darryl runs onto the roof, he starts yelling and crying and,
Rick and the others arrive, there's no Merle, just a severed hand!

History of the Christmas Charts

The official charts began in 1952, but the contest for having the Christmas number one began in 1973 when Slade and Wizzard both released festive songs, which Slade won with Merry Xmas Everybody and Wizzard’s, I Wish It Could Be Christmas Everyday reaching number four in the charts.

Between 2002 and 2014, the top spot at Christmas was dominated by reality singing competitions: Popstars: The Rivals and The X Factor. This trend was interrupted in 2009 by a Facebook campaign to prevent Joe McElderry, X Factor winner, from reaching number one, where people were urged to download Killing In The Name by Rage Against The Machine.

More recently, non-traditional acts releasing novelty songs have been successful, most notably YouTubers LadBaby, who raised money for the Trussell Trust.

The Beatles are the only group to have had four number ones, Paul McCartney has been at the top of the charts eight times with various acts. Cliff Richard has spent four Christmases at number one; two as a solo act, one with The Shadows and one as part of Band Aid II. The Spice Girls have had three consecutive number one, with Melanie C having a fourth with The Justice Collective. YouTubers Ladbaby have had three consecutive number ones.

Bohemium Rhapsody has reached the top twice at Christmas and Mary’s Boy Child the only song to have reached number one by two different artists. Do They Know It’s Christmas has been Christmas number one for three generations of Band Aid.

1952Al MartinoHere In My Heart
1953Frankie LaineAnswer Me
1954Winifred AtwellLet’s Have Another Party
1955Dickie ValentineChristmas Alphabet
1956Johnnie RayJust Walkin’ In The Rain
1957Harry BelafonteMary’s Boy Child
1958Conway TwittyIt’s Only Make Believe
1959Emile Ford & The CheckmatesWhat Do You Want To Make Those Eyes At Me For
1960Cliff Richard & The ShadowsI Love You
1961Danny WilliamsMoon River
1962Elvis PresleyReturn To Sender
1963The BeatlesI Want To Hold Your Hand
1964The BeatlesI Feel Fine
1965The Beatles Day Tripper / We Can Work It Out
1966Tom JonesThe Green Grass Of Home
1967The BeatlesHello Goodbye
1968ScaffoldLily The Pink
1969Rolf HarrisTwo Little Boys
1970Dave EdmundsI Hear You Knockin’
1971Benny HillErnie (The Fastest Milkman In The West)
1972Little Jimmy OsmondLong Haired Lover From Liverpool
1973SladeMerry Xmas Everybody
1974MudLonely This Christmas
1975QueenBohemian Rhapsody
1976Johnny MathisWhen A Child Is Born
1977WingsMull Of Kintyre / Girls’ School
1978Boney MMary’s Boy Child – Oh My Lord
1979Pink FloydAnother Brick In The Wall
1980St Winifred’s School ChoirThere’s No One Quite Like Grandma
1981The Human LeagueDon’t You Want Me
1982Renee & RenatoSave Your Love
1983The Flying PicketsOnly You
1984Band AidDo They Know It’s Christmas?
1985Shakin’ StevensMerry Christmas Everyone
1986Jackie WilsonReet Petite
1987The Pet Shop BoysAlways On My Mind
1988Cliff Richard Mistletoe & Wine
1989Band Aid IIDo They Know It’s Christmas?
1990Cliff RichardSaviours’ Day
1991QueenBohemian Rhapsody / These Are The Days Of Our Lives
1992Whitney HoustonI Will Always Love You
1993Mr BlobbyMr Blobby
1994East 17Stay Another Day
1995Michael JacksonEarth Song
1996Spice Girls2 Become 1
1997Spice Girls Too Much
1998Spice GirlsGoodbye
1999Westlife I Have A Dream / Seasons In The Sun
2000Bob The BuilderCan We Fix It?
2001Robbie Williams & Nicole KidmanSomethin’ Stupid
2002Girls AloudSound Of The Underground
2003Michael Andrews featuring Gary JulesMad World
2004Band Aid 20Do They Know It’s Christmas?
2005Shayne Ward That’s My Goal
2006Leona LewisA Moment Like This
2007Leon JacksonWhen You Believe
2008Alexandra BurkeHallelujah
2009Rage Against The Machine Killing In The Name
2010Matt CardleWhen We Collide
2011Military Wives with Gareth MaloneWherever You Are
2012The Justice Collective He Ain’t Heavy, He’s My Brother
2013Sam BaileySkyscraper
2014Ben HaenowSomething I Need
2015The Lewisham & Greenwich NHS ChoirA Bridge Over You
2016Clean BanditRockabye
2017Ed SheeranPerfect
2018LadbabyWe Built This City
2019LadbabyI Love Sausage Rolls
2020LadbabyDon’t Stop Me Eatin’

THE WALKING DEAD: S1 EP 2 – GUTS

Lori is in the woods, berries and plants need to be found,
The survivor camp is hungry, a noise makes her turn round.
Afraid that it's a walker, she stifles a shout,
But it's Shane who appears and they start to make out. 
The voice on the radio tells Rick he can get out,
The walkers are feasting on the horse, he shouts,
Rick grabs his weapon and a grenade by his feet,
He opens the hatch and runs down the street. 

He runs into a young man, who is called Glenn,
They make their way to his hideaway den. 
When they reach it, a gun is pointed at Rick's head,
"You have compromised the group," a female has said.
The woman is called Andrea and she likes to be bad ass,
They hear shots from the rooftop, they run up real fast. 
Merle Dixon is sniping walkers and behaving quite mad,
Morales tries to stop him, Merle beats him up bad. 
Rick takes command of the group and has to act tough,
He decides the best plan is to use his handcuffs.
Merle is left coupled to a pipe on the roof space,
The group hatch a plan to escape, it's not safe. 

They slaughter a walker and drain his blood and guts,
Rick and Glenn are covered, this has to work, no ifs or buts. 
They make their way to a nearby construction site,
The horde ignores them, the plan is working, hold tight.

But then to their horror, a sudden rainstorm begins,
The guts are washing off, the walkers are closing in.
Rick manages to run to the site and get in a truck, 
Glenn hotwires a sports car, that was a piece of good luck. 

Glenn sounds the horn and gives a loud whoop, 
And Rick drives the truck to get to the group.
T-Dog is guarding Merle, Jacqui tells him to flee,
But in his haste to unlock the handcuffs he loses the key. 
To ensure Merle is safe, T-Dog locks the door,
And they run to the truck to escape the gore.
Just outside the city limits, Glenn speeds in his car,
They're headed to their safe zone, it's not that far. 

My Top Five Christmas Pop Songs

It’s nearly time for those Christmas songs to be hitting the airwaves, or for the supermarkets to pipe them into the shop when you’re desperately searching for that packet of bread sauce. Christmas songs are their own breed, some stick around for years and years, some are hits just for that year and then fade away not be heard of again.

There are some Christmas songs which I groan when I hear them, or when I ask, “Alexa, play some Christmas songs,” and these end up on her playlist. Personally, the song that I don’t like hearing at Christmas is Do They Know It’s Christmas, controversial I know, but I think it’s because when it was released that’s all I heard and now I’m a bit fed up with it.

Anyway, so now you know my least favourite Christmas track, here’s a list of my top five.

Number Five: Stop the Cavalry – Jona Lewie

This record peaked in the British charts at number three in December, 1980, it was kept from number one by two re-issued John Lennon songs, who had been murdered on 8 December. Jona Lewie states that this was never meant to be a Christmas song, it was in fact a protest song, but the line, “Wish I was at home for Christmas,” and the brass band accompaniment made it sound like a song to be played around Christmas time.

Why do I like this song?

I love the tempo of this song and can’t resist joining in with the Dub-a-dub-a-dum-dums whenever I hear this song.

Number Four: Step Into Christmas – Elton John

Written by Elton John and Bernie Taupin, it was released as a stand-alone single with the aptly titled B side: Ho Ho Ho (Who’d Be A Turkey At Christmas?). It was the ninth most played Christmas song of the noughties in the UK and its highest chart position was number 8 in 2019 and 2020. The video had a cameo appearance of Taupin, and showed Elton John holding a Watford F.C. supporter’s card, he later went on to own the club.

Why do I like this song?

It’s a lively song and one which I can’t help singing along to.

Number Three: I Wish It Could Be Christmas Everyday – Wizzard
AND
Merry Xmas Everybody – Slade

I Wish It Could Be Christmas Everyday was released in 1973 and was beaten to the number one spot by, yes, you’ve guessed it, Merry Christmas Everybody. Both records have entered the charts almost every year since their release and have each been covered by numerous artists including Robbie Williams, Oasis, Spice Girls, Kylie Minogue and Girls Aloud. There was no promotional video for Merry Xmas Everyone, with Slade preferring to promote the song on Christmas television programmes.

Why do I like these songs?

Who could not like these songs? I grew up listening to these songs during the festive period and what Christmas party isn’t complete without a drunken dance to these classics?

Number Two: All I Want For Christmas Is You – Mariah Carey

The best selling Christmas song by a female artist, reportedly earning $60 million in royalties. It was number one in most countries, although it didn’t reach the top of the charts in the UK until 2020. The song also featured on the British film Love Actually. The clip below is from the film sung by Olivia Olson.

Why Do I Like This Song?

This is the song that when you sing it, you realise that you can’t sing, but you still give it a good go. It doesn’t lose its freshness and vibrancy.

Number One: Last Christmas – Wham!

Last Christmas was released in December, 1984 and was prevented from reaching number one by Band Aid’s, Do They Know It’s Christmas! Which ironically brings me back to the song I like least to hear at Christmas! This song spent five weeks at number two, but eventually reached number one in 2021, making it the longest journey to number one since Tony Christie’s (Is This The Way To) Amarillo.

Why do I like this song?

George’s vocals, the great video, it’s Christmas all wrapped up. When I hear this song, I am totally filled with Christmas spirit!

Honourable mentions:

Yes, I know I said it was one of my least favourite Christmas songs, but it was the fastest selling single in UK history and it did raise a lot of money for famine relief, so here it is, Do They Know It’s Christmas by Band Aid.

Christmas Preparations

When the firework has let off its last bang and whizz,
It's time to stock up on some wine and Bucks Fizz,
It's getting close to that special time of year,
To raise a glass of cider or perhaps a beer,
And celebrate with lots of good cheer. 

It's time to go shopping and buy all of the toys,
For all of the girls and all of the boys,
A cardigan for grandma, and granddad some socks,
For grandchildren cars and horses that rock,
All wrapped up in a special Christmas box.

Then there's shopping for our Christmas dinner,
Fingers crossed, this one's a winner,
Some hate parsnips, some don't like sprouts,
I can't see what the fuss is about,
It'll all get eaten, I have no doubt.

We have to decide, give the tree some thought,
Do we buy real, or something shop bought?
To get the decorations I have to reach in,
They're in the loft and kept in a bin,
Oh my Lord, I could do with a gin!

We go to the theatre to see a pantomime,
I'm sure we will all have a really good time,
We boo at the baddie and cheer the good guys,
The Prince is the hero and slaps his thighs,
After the final song, it's time for goodbyes.

It's Christmas day and time for our dinner,
I can confirm, this one IS a winner,
Sitting around the table is my family,
Laughing and joking, it's such a joy to see,
It's all been worth it, there's nowhere I'd rather be. 

Bournemouth Christmas Tree Wonderland

Price:

Free

Amount of time spent there:

We were there for about an hour and a half.

Suggested Christmas Tree Trail

My Review:

We try and do something each year to celebrate the holiday season. For a few years we went to the London Palladium to watch the pantomime and then walk around London to see the Christmas lights, another year we went to Longleat Festival of Lights, but due to Covid, obviously last year we didn’t do anything. So this year, we decided to go to Bournemouth, which is about a 45 minute drive from us and we took our daughter, son-in-law and two grandchildren to the Christmas Tree Wonderland.

We arrived at Bournemouth at about 6:15 PM, after inexplicably getting lost, even though we’ve driven to Bournemouth numerous times! The first stop was to get some fish and chips and where better to go than Harry Ramsden’s. We had a lovely meal there, the batter really is very light and tasty!

So then it was time to wander through the Christmas Tree Wonderland…

There were an array of different lighted up Christmas trees, with a few other displays as well including a reindeer, polar bear and, of course, the main man himself, Father Christmas.

We walked around the park, it was lovely to see Harry’s face as he saw each Christmas tree, he’s nearly three, so just beginning to understand what happens this time of year. He loved the bright lights and excitedly ran from one display to the next.

At the end of the park, we came across an ice rink and we stopped to watch the would-be Torvill and Deans, skating around a fairly huge ice rink. There was the usual people hanging onto the sides, gingerly making their way around the rink, and I have to say, that would be me, skating is definitely not my thing!

View of the ice rink

You need to pre-book the ice rink, there are sessions of an hour each, from 10:30 AM until 20:30 PM throughout the day and prices are:

ADULT -£12.50 CHILD – £10.50 SENIOR CITIZEN – £11.50 and FAMILY – £41.00

A quick look around the stands in the city centre, which were mainly food outlets and we headed back into the park to walk along the back path where there were even more displays to see.

Gingerbread men, one of Harry’s favourite biscuits!

One last stop at the Carousel, it cost £3 per person, but it seemed to go round forever. Harry chose his horse and held on tight!

Gee up Neddy or Coleen!

We were very impressed with Bournemouth’s light display, it must have cost the council a lot of money to stage this and for it all to be free as well is wonderful.

Unusual Christmas Presents

It is the season to be jolly,
Time to spend cash and lots of lolly,
Here's a few gifts big and small,
For the person who has it all. 

Toilet Seat Scale

The toilet seat scale that tells you how much weight is lost after you take a dump!!   Not available in the shops yet but I’m sure it will be before Christmas.

toilet-seat-scale

Gentleman’s Ball Scratcher

This is from MenKind and costs £13. Described as for the man who has everything, in the shape of a delicate female hand for those hard to reach places. Useful information is that it is dishwasher safe and has a stain resistant surface….

ball-scratcher

USB Toast Hand-Warmers

Available to buy from Keeto– cost approximately £14.    Keep your hands toasty and warm at your desk with a pair of hand warmers. Especially handy for when you are typing outside??

usb-toast-hand-warmers

7 foot long Gummy Snake

The Party Python weighs nearly 27 pounds, over 36,000 calories and is very, very long. It’s available in two flavour combinations: red cherry – blue raspberry and raspberry – green apple and it is gluten free!   You can order this from VAT 19 online shop and costs around £140.

gift-huge-candy

Chocolate Brussel Sprouts

Everyone will eat these Brussel sprouts – they cost £2.99 from Amazon – reminds me of that joke …. What’s the difference between a Brussels sprout and a bogey? Children will eat a bogey. Thank you!!

chocolate-brussel-sprouts
I hope this may have helped a bit,
To find that someone their special gift,
Now you can relax and unwind,
And have a lovely Christmas time. 

The Walking Dead: S1 Ep1 – Days Gone Bye

Rick in his hospital bed.
Rick Grimes  arises from his hospital bed,
The flowers brought to him by Shane, are dead. 
He walks out of the room, there's blood on the floor,
"Don't Open, Dead Inside," is sprayed on a door.
There's fingers clawing between a slight crack,
What's going on? What's that? Rick's taken aback.
He stumbles out into the daylight and sees,
The bodies of people, do they have a disease?

He gets on a bike and rides back to his home,
But it's empty, his wife and his son have flown. 
He meets up with Morgan, who tells him all,
About the demise of the world and its fall.
Morgan
They go to the police station to find some guns,
Their strategy for killing zombies has just begun,
He hands Morgan a radio, to keep in touch,
Rick wants to find his wife and son he loves so much.

Rick is going to Atlanta, he's driving of course,
He runs out of petrol, so rides a tame horse.
On reaching Atlanta there's a lot of undead,
The horse spooks, Rick falls, he has to use his head.
Iconic scene from The Walking Dead
As the walkers devour the horse of its flesh and its bones,
Rick spies a tank, he can hear the walkers and their moans,
They're getting closer and Rick holds the gun to his head,
Maybe in this world, he'd be better off dead.

He suddenly spies a hatch underneath the tank,
And makes his way quickly, he has the Lord to thank.
He climbs in the tank, an undead soldier is inside,
Rick shoots him,  there was nowhere to hide. 

As Rick decides what on earth he should do,
A voice crackles through the radio, a young dude,
"Hey you, dumbass. Yeah, you in the tank, you cosy in there?"
It's the voice of salvation, something quite rare. 

Zombies on a Ship

Priti was excited as she looked around the departure lounge. She smiled as she saw the excited faces of families and couples, all checking and then double checking their passports and documentation.  Priti looked at her husband, her husband of 24 hours, this time yesterday they were standing in the church exchanging their wedding vows, with their families watching.

Arin hadn’t wanted to go on a cruise for their honeymoon, he wanted to go to The Maldives, in an all -inclusive hotel with the rooms nestling in the ocean’s water. But Priti had convinced him to stray further into the ocean and so they had booked this cruise, sailing from Southampton to the Mediterranean.

They boarded the ship and Arin had to admit he was impressed with the elegance of the atrium and before heading down to their stateroom, they decided to buy a cocktail. After a quick look at the drink’s menu, Priti decided on a Zombie: white and dark rum with lime juice, pineapple juice and a splash of grenadine, garnished with cherries and mint. Arin chose a Pina Colada, also with rum, coconut cream and pineapple juice.

“Wow, this is the life,” said Priti as she sipped her cocktail, “I can feel the stress of the wedding leaving me with every sip of my cocktail.”  Arin agreed, his cocktail was hitting the spot and he unbuttoned his jacket.

“What’s going on over there?” Priti asked Arin, “It looks like that lady has had too much to drink already.”  They looked over at the woman, who was doubled over and being sick, a waiter was helping her, leading her towards the ladies restroom and a cleaner appeared from nowhere and proceeded to clean up the vomit on the floor.

“Some people just can’t handle their drink,” mused Priti and as the smell of the vomit was quite strong, they decided to go down to their stateroom and get unpacked.

Their stateroom was on deck 10 and had a balcony, Priti walked out to see the view, not much to look at, just the docks, but it was full of activity, people seemed to be rushing around, she couldn’t make out what was happening as they were up quite high, but she did see that the walkways had been taken up, so she assumed they would be sailing soon.

“Shall we get ready for dinner? We’ve a reservation for six o’clock, and it’s already five,” she said to Arin, “Yeah, good idea,” he agreed.

An hour later, they were walking towards the restaurant, Priti had her new dress on, she was hungry and she was looking forward to her meal.  “I think I’ll have a steak tonight,” she thought and asked Arin what he was going to have? “A steak I think,” he said and Priti laughed, they were very well matched.

When they arrived at the restaurant, it was deserted, just a couple of waiters were hovering, waiting for the guests to arrive. “Table for two,” requested Arin and they were led to a table. “Where is everybody, I thought it would be busier than this,” Arin asked the waiter, whose badge said his name was Enrique, “There seems to be a bug going round the ship, a lot of passengers and crew have been feeling sick,” Enrique replied as he handed them the menus.

They were both pleased to see that steak was on the menu and so that’s what they ordered with a bottle of Malbec red wine to go with it. The wine was poured by Enrique and as they drank it while waiting for their steak, they noticed their waiter was doubled up in pain, he was groaning and clutching his stomach. Priti went over to him, his face was contorted and he was foaming at the mouth.  “I think you’d better go to your cabin,” she said concerned for him, “You must have caught what everybody else has got.” He made a noise, a sort of groan and walked towards the exit of the restaurant.

Priti looked around, there was nobody else to serve them, so she went to the kitchen to see if their steak was in there ready for collection. As she walked through the swing door to the kitchen, there were a couple of chefs leaning over somebody who had seemingly fainted. “I think this bug is worse than people are saying to us,” she thought and went over to see if she could help in any way.

When she approached the chefs, they turned to look at her, Priti couldn’t believe what she was seeing, they weren’t helping the person laying on the ground, THEY WERE EATING HER!

She screamed, they were covered in blood and the poor woman was motionless on the ground, her intestines strewn around her and her heart was on show, pumping blood onto the floor. Priti was paralysed, they were moving closer to her, making blood chilling noises from their throats, gurgling and reaching out to grab Priti.

She stepped back and ran back towards the swing doors, but Enrique was there in the way, she knew that he wasn’t there to serve the steak to her, he was moaning and lurched at her, she jumped out of the way and managed to go through the swing door without him reaching her. She ran over to Arin, he was still sat at the table drinking his wine, “Hadn’t he heard what was going on in the kitchen?” she asked herself, “Arin,” she shrieked, “We have to leave, I’m not sure what’s going on, but people are eating other people in there!” She was sure that would cause some sort of reaction, but no, nothing.

She walked up to him and he turned round startled, he had put his earplugs in and was listening to music, oblivious to anything happening around him. Priti heard the sound of the swing doors and saw the two chefs and the waiter entering the restaurant, their hands were outstretched, and they were heading directly towards them. She pulled out Arin’s earplugs, “Ow,” he complained, “That hurt, what did you do that for?”

Priti gestured behind her and Arin looked behind her, he saw the chefs and Enrique approaching them, only the day before he had promised to look after her till death do us part and looking at these…. zombies approaching, he hoped that wasn’t sooner rather than later.

Arin took her hand and they ran towards the exit. The atrium which only hours earlier was an excited hub of expectation of a wonderful holiday, was now filled with screams of pain, horrible groaning and glass smashing. A barman was smashing bottles of drinks over a zombie’s head, which had no effect until the barman seized a shard of glass and stabbed it in the zombie’s skull.

Arin wished that he had watched The Walking Dead, he could have picked up some tips on how to survive an apocalypse. As they ran along the atrium, a zombie guest dressed in an Hawaiian shirt made a grab for his legs, he was a portly man who was now hungry for his human buffet, but Priti was determined Arin wasn’t gonna be his first course. She aimed a kick at his stomach, which floored him and whilst he was writhing on the floor, she grabbed a steak knife that was on the floor and plunged it into his skull. Arin looked in amazement at his new wife, he didn’t know she was capable of these types of moves. Priti looked at him and winked, “I’ve seen The Walking Dead,” she told him.

Their cabin was three floors below the restaurant, they both knew their best chance of survival was to get there as quickly as possible. They reached the lifts and pressed the button, most of the lifts were on floor 14, but one was making its way down. They stood outside and willed the lift to go quicker, a few zombies had seen them standing there and were making their way towards them, the lift number hung tantalizingly at the floor above them.

Arin looked around for a weapon, Priti had removed the steak knife from Hawaiian zombie’s head and was brandishing it like an apocalypse warrior, all he could find was an abandoned walking stick with a duck head sculpted at the top. He joined Priti alongside her, waiting in anticipation for the advancing zombies.  

The ding of the lift sounded like a chime from heaven, the lift door opened and out shot a couple of zombie cleaners, this took Arin by surprise and he was attacked from behind. He managed to flip the zombie over his shoulder and strike him several times with the walking stick, in the meantime, Priti was in the lift and fervently pressing the lift button for their floor after having quickly disposed of the second zombie cleaner.

Arin stepped into the lift and the doors shut with a satisfying clunk. The silence was deafening and they both looked at each other in disbelief, what exactly had just happened? They assumed their positions as the lift doors opened and were pleasantly surprised when they weren’t met by any zombies.

They turned into the narrow corridor which led to their cabin, to be confronted by a zombie housekeeper, she wasn’t very tall but she was snapping and snarling at them.  “I’ll deal with this,” Arin told Priti, “Stay back,” and he rushed at the zombie, picked her up and dumped her in the housekeeping trolley along with the towels and dressing gowns. Her arms and legs flailed as she tried to get out, but to no avail. As they rushed past, Priti took a handful of toiletries, you never know when they’re gonna come in handy.

They entered their cabin and quickly shut the door, “What on earth is going on?” Priti said, not really expecting an answer from Arin, “What are we gonna do? We’re trapped on this cruise ship.” She caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror, her dress was torn and it was covered in blood, she looked at Arin, his shirt was covered in blood and his jacket was ripped at the seams, he had never looked sexier!

She changed into her leisure suit and Arin put on some jeans and a t-shirt, this was much better zombie fighting gear. Priti opened the sliding doors onto the balcony and stepped out, she took a look over and could see passengers running along the deck screaming, being chased by zombie crew members and passengers, it was like a scene out of The Living Dead. The ship was still sailing though, heading out towards the ocean, breaking through the waves without a care in the world.

Then they heard the communication system fire up, it was a little crackly, but a voice resounded through their cabin, “This is your Captain speaking, as you are probably aware we are experiencing a few problems on board today, so we have made the decision to abandon ship. We are going to load up the lifeboats on deck 7 in 20 minutes, so those who are living can you please try and make your way to them. Godspeed and be safe.”

So, they had to make it down to deck 7 in 20 minutes, could they manage that? Well, it was their only chance, they had no choice, they had to do it.

“I think we should go down the stairs,” suggested Arin, “We can’t afford the time to wait for the lifts, they might not even be working now.” Priti agreed, it was only three decks to the lifeboats, surely they could do this. A quick drink from the mini bar, well, they don’t have to pay for it now and they were ready for the fight of their lives.

Arin opened the cabin door and peered outside, he could see that the housekeeping zombie was still in the trolley with her legs flailing up in the air, but apart from her, all was quiet. He turned round and quietly signalled to Priti that all was clear. She nodded and they both left the sanctity of their cabin.

The corridors were long and narrow, not ideal if you meet a crowd of zombies stumbling in the opposite direction, so they made their way quickly to the opening where the lifts and stairs were and immediately heard a commotion on the floor below. Priti stooped down and tried to see what was going on, there were zombies, of course, but she could also make out another couple who were fighting the zombies and were fighting a losing battle.

“We have to help them,” she said to Arin, “They need our help.” Arin wasn’t too keen, why should they risk their lives to help people they don’t even know? Priti could see him hesitating, “If we were in that position, we would be very grateful is someone helped us out.” Arin had to agree, so on the count of three, they raced down the stairs and started attacking the zombies.

They were outnumbered two to one, but between them they eventually put down all the zombies, it looked like a bloodbath, all the zombies were strewn over each other. The woman looked at Priti, “Thanks so much for that, I’m Kate and this is Paul.” They greeted each other and decided to go to the lifeboats as a group and proceeded to descend the staircase, quietly and stealthily.

The next floor down looked quiet, they couldn’t see any zombies, but then they heard the ping of the lift, the lift doors opened and a lift full of zombies stumbled out. The survivors carried on down the staircase, zombies can’t do stairs, right? The zombies all turned towards them and as they reached the stairs, they started to fall down them, falling all around, one of them landing on Paul. Kate screamed, “Get them off him, quickly,” and Arin sprang over and dragged the zombie of of him, finishing the zombie off with a blow to the head.

“Thanks dude,” said Paul, “No problem,” replied Arin, “Let’s get going, we’ve only got one more floor to go.”

They arrived at deck 7 and looked for the door to go out onto the deck. “There it is,” Kate shouted, but between them and this door was what seemed like hundreds of zombies. “How on earth are we gonna get past them?” asked Priti, looking around for an alternative route. They all stood there, contemplating their next course of action when Arin suddenly had an idea…

“We could distract them somehow, make them move towards the other side of the ship, so we could then get to the doors,” he suggested, “How about getting some bottles of alcohol from the bar, put a rag in it, then set it alight and throw it over there,” said Priti. “Yes, that’s a great idea, come on, we can get to the bar over there,” Kate replied.

They made their way behind the bar and began plugging the bottles with serviettes. “Where can we get matches from?” whispered Paul, “There’s an office there, have a look in the drawers,” Arin said, “I’ll keep a watch out for you.”

They watched as Paul made his way to the office, one zombie had strayed over in that direction, but Paul took care of him and proceeded to search the drawers.  He stood up smiling with a box of matches in his hand, the others heaved a big sigh of relief and beckoned him to come back to them as quickly as possible.

They lit up some of the serviettes and starting throwing the bottles over in the opposite direction of the lifeboats, the explosions they made was enough to wake the dead, only they were dead! The zombies immediately stopping milling around and started shuffling towards the explosions.

“Come on, now’s our chance,” Arin shouted and they ran out towards the deck and towards the salvation of the lifeboats.

They saw the Captain and some of the crew, who were standing next to the lifeboat and fending off zombies, the group helped despatch the zombies, but by now, the ones they had distracted were walking through the door which they had left open to the deck, “Come on, it’s time to go,” the Captain told them, and they all agreed it was time.

They jumped into the lifeboat and a member of the crew pressed the button for the lifeboat to automatically lower. They all sank into the seats, not quite knowing how they had survived, “I’m sorry to have to do this,” the Captain said, “But I need to check you all for bites.”

Paul was reluctant to comply, which immediately made the Captain suspicious. “Come on, I need to see,” he insisted, but Paul just sat in the lifeboat staring into space. “Paul, have you been bitten?” asked Kate, “Please tell me the truth.” “No, no, I haven’t,” he replied, “But I know that you have been.”

Kate took a sharp intake of breath and looked around at the others, it was true, she had been bitten whilst she was fighting a zombie. She pulled up her shirt, there were teeth marks on her stomach and the wound was pulsating. “I’m sorry,” she apologised, “But I love Paul and I wanted to be with him.”

“You need to get off the lifeboat,” the Captain told her and signalled for the crew member to stop the lifeboat lowering, “Yes, I understand,” she replied, “Goodbye Paul, I will love you forever.” “Yeah, whatever,” Paul said without any emotion and Kate alighted from the lifeboat which was next to deck five by now. She was immediately engulfed by zombies, but she didn’t utter a sound.

“I’m so sorry, Paul,” Priti said, “How long had you been married?”  “Married?” questioned Paul, “We’re not married, I’d only just met her a couple of hours ago at the bar, I hardly knew her.”

Priti, Arin, Paul and the Captain and his crew members were the only survivors of the ship and as the lifeboat floated on the sea, the ship carried on towards the open ocean, probably only stopping either if it runs out of fuel or runs aground.

“Right, where are we going?” asked the Captain, “Straight on or are we turning back?” “Straight on,” they all said as one, “Maybe this virus is only here, maybe the rest of the world is okay?” said Priti hopefully.

And maybe it’s not…